


those words that will melt me

by generalfrings



Category: AOA | Ace of Angels, 소녀시대 | Girls' Generation | SNSD
Genre: F/F, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-25
Updated: 2019-12-25
Packaged: 2021-02-26 07:34:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21959722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/generalfrings/pseuds/generalfrings
Summary: Taeyeon tours Japan.Seolhyun gets a new tattoo.The two are not mutually exclusive.
Relationships: Kim Seolhyun/Kim Taeyeon
Comments: 4
Kudos: 20





	those words that will melt me

**Author's Note:**

> title from Taeyeon's Do You Love Me?
> 
> [the tattoo](https://www.instagram.com/p/B5XAzrvFuDm/)  
> 

Taeyeon has to acknowledge it: there is a lot going on.

The tour, for one - concerts that feel entirely new, from the locations through the language and the very tone of it all. These shows make her feel nervous and self-demanding in a way she hasn't in a long time: like she has something to prove, and, sometimes, like she might not be able to actually prove it.  


But she’ll be damned if she won’t  _try_ .

Then during all of that, of course: traveling, and rehearsing, and re-recording, and styling, and interviewing, and trying to deal with the loneliness. She’s gotten better at it, painstakingly, but she thinks being overseas makes it easier to falter from the buzz of non-stop activity and movement to those moments of silence when it's just her in a hotel room and all she feels is the absence of too much and too many all at once.

But also then...

Well. Now then.

In between all of that:

Her.

Her, and this  _something_ between them. Something new, something that makes Taeyeon catch herself feeling giddy and silly in a way she doesn’t think she’s had the luxury of feeling since she was… God. Since she was way too young.

It's not that there is no name for what they have between them, not like in the back of her mind she doesn’t acknowledge there is a term for what they are beyond  _some,_ but Taeyeon likes the thrill of thinking of it as just… them. Likes thinking of this as  _theirs_ , naming be damned.

So these days Taeyeon apparently smiles a lot at her phone. She knows it, doesn’t need the gentle teasing from a stylist here or there to be aware of it.  


Even when the sadness creeps and when it's all lonely, and even if she hasn't been able to get to her phone in too many busy hours, there is always at least a moment where she can let herself feel silly once finally getting to open her phone to her respite.

Seolhyun is pretty silly herself, and her texts (and voice messages, and stickers, and pictures, and the multitude of double, triple, quadruple texts she sends because she doesn't use line breaks and is too interested in asking as many questions as time will allow them) are quite good at making the chronic heaviness in Taeyeon's chest alleviate. Or at least turn that heaviness into something else entirely: something that is still scary but also thrilling and exciting at the same time. Something akin to what Taeyeon has felt hammering away in her ribcage all those times she’s kissed Seolhyun on her couch.

And then Seolhyun gets a new tattoo.

Mind, Taeyeon had known this was going to happen, of course. They'd been calling and texting, and Seolhyun had been excited about this tattoo because it was probably going to be something she drew or wrote herself. They'd even joked about it one night: Taeyeon, sipping a beer before hopefully not uselessly trying to sleep, had chuckled fondly in their video call about how long it would take for Seolhyun to surpass Taeyeon's own count of tattoos.

She'd also known that Seolhyun was getting this tattoo with Jimin.

Really: she’d been plenty aware.

And Taeyeon doesn't think of herself as the jealous type, not exactly. Possessive? Sure, kind of, sometimes. In a fun, smug kind of way she allows herself to be - just acknowledging that someone that might be so wanted by anyone else chooses to be  _hers_ instead.

Sue her, she likes her ego stroked sometimes.

So, all that said, she'd like to believe she’s never been too jealous for no reason.  


And jealousy is not what she feels when she finally gets to her phone that night either. It's definitely not what she feels as she opens the pictures of the tattoo getting process - the "we're thinking of this" pictures with a few different doodles, and the selfie of "we're going with the original idea anyway keke", and finally one of the final product.

The drop in her stomach isn't jealousy. But… it's something.

And that something is not something Taeyeon needed tonight, but she's not going to be  _irrational_ about it. It's her new thing, see: being in tune with her emotions and, like, handling them and all that crap. Even though she doesn't know what emotion it is that she's supposed to handle as she looks at the picture of intertwined hands with their handwriting in clear letters.

Maybe, and Taeyeon allows herself the cringey introspection, her main emotion is precisely that: uncertainty. And hell if it doesn’t burn down her throat while she forces herself to text back with an animated jaw-slacked emote.

The message status turns to read soon after, and Taeyeon gets another picture instantly - this time of Seolhyun making an exaggeratedly pouty face as the artist sets to work on her hand. This one Taeyeon saves with a fond quirk of her lips.

And then she can't hold back her itching fingers from tapping out the question that burns itself from her mind onto her screen:

_Mate?_

_Yeah like soulmates_ , comes the instant reply.  _You know?_

_Of course ㅎㅎ_ Taeyeon replies, rolling her eyes at herself for the awkward laugh. She has to hurry to add to her royally shitty reply before Seolhyun beats her to it, because that girl has weirdly fast fingers, so she perhaps regretfully adds:  _So you two consider yourselves soulmates?_

Well then. Those are words Taeyeon has said now, of her own volition, glaring back at her from her screen. That burn down her throat is starting to become a grievance.

There’s no way for her to know whether Seolhyun is typing or not. She’s definitely read her reply though, as evidenced by the disappearing pending views number, so all Taeyeon can do is sit there, phone in hand, watching with fingers hovering over the keyboard until a reply comes.

Which takes a bit. Not like she was counting or staring at that damn timestamp, but Taeyeon notices because she was holding her breath like some sort of cliché, and because usually if Seolhyun is mid chat, she will reply in quick bursts, rarely if ever bothering with typing up bibles.

Seolhyun could be busy, of course.

But the mark that her text was read was there, immediately.

And it’s late - Taeyeon doesn’t think she’s at any schedules…

Finally, the reply comes, and Taeyeon has to tap her phone back awake to check it:

_Yes._

... Oh.  


Well then.

That's it. No emoticon, no slang, and most importantly and un-Seolhyun-like, with no instant follow-up message.

Taeyeon rests back against her headboard and lets out a long breath. Seolhyun is hesitant. She’s leaving the conversation to go wherever Taeyeon chooses to take it, and now Taeyeon can admit to herself that she definitely regrets that stupid initial question. She doesn't trust herself to handle this properly. Honestly, screw feelings - she should've swallowed that one right down rather than go down this rabbit hole.

It feels even more stupid to send back something inane like " _like_ _friend soulmates_?" even though it's what the young dumb part of her brain wants her to do.  


She mulls it over.  


_like what kind of soulmate?_ she ends up sending instead. It’s not that much better, but it’s slightly less of a needy loser reply, surely?

(She doesn't feel like less of a needy loser, half lying there in bed in an empty dark hotel room with her phone clutched in unsure fingers.)

_Well_ comes the first text.  


The next one isn't immediate, but when it does come, Taeyeon’s gut sinks.

_it's changed over time_

She'd had an inkling before about this. And she was genuinely fine with it- it's not like Taeyeon couldn't relate to that type of history.

But now they - Seolhyun and Taeyeon - are  _them_ ; fresh and precious and fragile… and _that_ is apparently this. And Seolhyun is taking her time to type.

Her reply is unusually long and sent in a single message, so Taeyeon takes care to read it slowly.

_But we knew our friendship was too precious to ruin for anything else… It was not worth the risk… So it's been that way for a long time now_

Taeyeon feels it's somewhat ironic to read that from someone else  _about_ someone else. Like some funny echo from her past long gone, but with very different results.

_Why would it be ruined?_ Taeyeon can’t help asking.

The messages come in a rush now:

_I don't know_

_Work_

_Life_

_Too many things could be a risk_

_And I never want to ruin things with someone for_

_You know_

_Romance_

And Taeyeon’s brain is surely not working tonight, because she doesn’t stop to consider the bad track record she’s been setting tonight before pressing send on her reply:

_But you risk ruining things with me then?_

She doesn't mean it bitterly at all, mind. It's genuine curiosity - and a little bit of that feeling from earlier that she is starting to recognize as fear.

She might have not taken the time to think of her reply, but she sure as hell has time to regret sending it when there is no reply forthcoming for what feels like ages.  


_Did_ it sound bitter? Accusing somehow? She re-reads it. Fuck. She'll need to fix that. Typical, really, Taeyeon: why not just be content with things for once?

She's groaning irritably to herself when her phone buzzes with an incoming call.

It's  _her_ , of course, and Taeyeon genuinely considers rejecting it - coming up with something, anything, like: oh, she can’t talk because she's resting her voice for tomorrow's concert, but… God, she's not  _Tiffany_ , and Seolhyun would obviously know she's lying through her teeth, and either call her out or-

Taeyeon makes herself interrupt her own trail of thought by answering the call with a soft "hi".

"I don't think I could ever be just friends with you," Seolhyun replies. It's abrupt, but Seolhyun speaks slowly, carefully, in the way Taeyeon's come to realize she's prone to doing when she wants to make sure to say things that matter right.  


Her voice is low and hushed in this way that has Taeyeon picturing her in bed too, damn near feeling the ghost of her warmth to cuddle into.

A delightful shiver runs down Taeyeon's back. "Seolhyun-ah…" she half sighs.

"I mean it," Seolhyun says, quietly but firmly. "I'm… I feel too much," a heavy breath, "for you".

God.

Taeyeon's heart, the one she's at times deemed too beaten to ever truly recover, twists and sommersaults right along with her gut at the words and the sheer warmth behind them.

"I-" Taeyeon starts, swallowing to clear her throat. "I feel a lot for you too," she says, mumbles really, twisting herself in the hotel bed so she can half bury her face into her pillow and clutch the phone to her ear with both hands.

Words aren't Taeyeon’s forte. Not like this, not coming up with them herself, on the spot, and  _speaking_ them as much as she  _feels_ them. She wishes she could touch Seolhyun somehow - maybe it would help if she could just so much as touch her wrist, or run her fingers over the bandage of the tattoo.

There's a slight pause in the call, and Taeyeon lets herself picture Seolhyun smiling into the phone.

"You know," Seolhyun says, with a small chuckle now, "I'd always end up admiring you."

"So you don't admire me now?" Taeyeon asks, half-teasing.

"I admire you _so_ much," Seolhyun replies, not an ounce of joking in her voice, and Taeyeon’s breath catches. The sudden turn in Seolhyun’s voice is deep, breathy, gut-clenching as she continues: "I'd show you if I could."

“Hyun-ah..." Taeyeon breathes out.

"Yes, Taeyeon?"

Not unnie. Not Taengoo. Just her name, and Taeyeon loves how Seolhyun calls her that. Just... Taeyeon. She's the only one to do it in such a way, so confidently and almost possessively, like she's just taking Taeyeon for herself, just as she is. Taeyeon will willingly give herself just like that.

Taeyeon allows herself a moment to take in how her pulse thrums in her chest and how her breathing picks up - then stops, and grudgingly forces herself out of it with a frustrated groan. “I have to sleep," she complains, burying her face further into her pillow, annoyed at not being able to follow up on _that_ tone of voice and _those_ words. "The concert..."

"I know," Seolhyun says, letting out a deep and long sigh that sounds as wanting as Taeyeon feels. "I just wanted you to know," she adds softly, and Taeyeon's heart drum drum drums.  


Seolhyun’s voice turns softer then, cuter: "Have a good concert tomorrow, okay?~ Good luck~"

Taeyeon's lips quirk into a fond smile. This girl... "Yes~"

"I'll see you soon, I miss you," Seolhyun adds, still in a cute voice that is thankfully not really aegyo, but is just _her_ : sweet and genuine. “Do you miss me too?”

Taeyeon chuckles. "Yes," she replies fondly. “I miss you too.”  


Taeyeon’s smile lasts through their soft goodbyes and melts into the sigh she lets out into her pillow once they hang up, curling up into the bed and bunching up the covers around herself. She somehow amasses enough covers wrapped around herself to feel on the edge of too warm, but the weight over her is comforting enough - if not human enough - to lull her into exhausted sleep.

She dreams of ink that spreads over her arm and wraps itself around her wrist, tying her to another - darker, softer. Shapes form and meld together over their skins then flutter apart, gravitating around Taeyeon and getting louder until she wakes up dizzy and disoriented, grabbing for her phone to turn off her alarm.

Her painful squint at the screen and jerky tapping ends up with her opening a notification to a picture of a bare faced sleepy girl with a lion of a dog next to her that has no business making Taeyeon smile this early.

And yet she does.

Weeks later, once back home and almost used to not feeling lonely most of the time, Taeyeon hasn't brought up the drafts of ideas in her phone yet. But she presses a kiss onto a dimpled cheek, meets crinkled smiling eyes, and knows that if this is the way things will go she will be marking this - this  _feeling_ \- onto her skin eventually.

Maybe Seolhyun will want to, too - Taeyeon’s drafts kind of account for that, ideas of things that don’t  _complete_ each other, but that do complement each other. Just in case.

“What are you thinking of?” Seolhyun asks, curious and warm against her at her silence.

“Just some tattoo ideas,” Taeyeon says honestly, forcing her attention back to the moment.

“Will you share with me?”

Always curious.  


Taeyeon presses a kiss to pouty lips. “Once I know a little bit better, okay? You’ll help me decide.”

**Author's Note:**

> It's been a while.
> 
> This is not the first Seoltae I write, but it's the first one I fix up into a good enough state to share, weirdly enough at the expense of my AOA OTP. Thanks to Seolhyun and Jimin for being so cute together that it makes me... write about someone else.
> 
> Seoltae has been a lonely boat to row since many many years ago but little did past me know what was going to happen after [the best start to a New Year](https://twitter.com/frin9s/status/815556895872339968). It's been both a steady and sudden improvement in this ship this past couple of years, bless. There might even be other people interested in coming aboard!
> 
> Thank you to the couple peeps who've been supporting my tentative steps back into writing for sharing.


End file.
